I couldn’t think of a thing to write about this week. I guess it was partially the distraction and fun of having family visit from out of town, combined with not wanting to half heartedly just slap up another healthy recipe with no story to go with it. I just wasn’t feeling inspired even though in retrospect there was so much going on around me (and inside of me) but I still almost missed it. Then I heard an old Alanis Morissette song and it stopped me in my tracks. I instantly knew what I had to write about. The song is all about being out of balance and being rather cruel to oneself because of it. For those of you who don’t know my story, my life was so incredibly out of balance. Not only was I on and off antibiotics for over twenty years, (mostly on) but I couldn’t seem to get my horrendous eating habits under control, and I binged. A lot. One of my favorite past-times was going to Publix and buying an entire birthday cake just for myself. I remember the baker would look at me puzzled when I didn’t need them to write the usual “happy birthday” on the cake. It wasn’t anyone’s birthday but it sure felt like mine when I got home and ate that cake! And it certainly didn’t feel like an issue, I didn’t gain weight so what’s the problem?
I am betting this song will hit many of you the way it did me. Since starting this blog I have talked to so many who are struggling with doing some sort of diet, whether it be the candida diet, the Kaufmann diet, or Paleo, and there seems to be a thread of guilt in all of us when we come up short of our own expectations.
The beginning lyrics say:
How ’bout getting off these antibiotics
How ’bout stopping eating when I’m full up
Well I was on antibiotics for over 20 years practically non-stop and I binged so this song stopped me in my tracks….
(full song at the end of this post)
I have made no secret of my LOVE for food. Particularly sweets. It makes me laugh to see how off balance my recipe index is. There are about three dessert recipes for every meal type recipe. I also make no secret that I sometimes struggle to eat clean ALL of the time. I do eat the Kaufmann diet at about 90% and then there are times I fall off the wagon. Like when we tried to outrun a hurricane last year, and I ate my way through four states. I ate all the fast, processed, prepackaged junk food you can eat for four days. Then over Christmas break I fell off again and this binder lasted about two weeks. Then again recently when we had company visit from out of town. I reverted (temporarily) to my old ways. Inevitably, my health also gives me indications that it too could convert back if I’m not careful and that’s when I jump right back on the healthy train. But not before I have a chance to beat myself up over it pretty good. But this song gave me a new perspective about being kind, not only to others but ourselves. So now that I’m commited to all things healthy again, expect to see many more recipes. Will I fall off again? Probably, but the good news is I no longer buy that sheet of cake for myself (and my son).
I took this picture back when I was addicted to all things sugar! I ran into my local Barnes and Noble for a book and came out with this! (Carmel turtle cheesecake AND a vanilla cupcake). Of course I ate it right there in my car and loved every second of it only to suffer the consequences in my health shortly after. Back then it felt impossible to walk by sugary sweets as hard as I tried. By the time I took this picture I KNEW it was a problem but still had trouble stopping. I felt prompted to take this picture not knowing exactly what I would do with it. I hope it helps someone. By the way, recently I have found somewhat of a soul sister through this dieting journey and love hearing about her struggles (and I know you will too) and triumphs with following the Candida diet, as well as hearing about how she also overcame so many health issues once she changed her diet. She is adios_candida on instagram. Make sure you check her out!
I thought this is a great song for anyone who finds they are hard on themselves and battling with perfectionism. Also, I love hearing from all of you, keep your stories coming!