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Berry Cobbler… and 12 Things the First Year of Marriage Has Taught Me

Written by Erin Porter

two white bowls of berry cobbler

It’s a new year and that could explain why I’m finding myself in a very introspective kind of mood.  Bob and I have been married a little over a year and I think I grew by leaps and bounds in this first year of holy matrimony!  In all positive ways of course, but as we grow there is always pain involved because we are being stretched.  Sometimes beyond what we think we can handle.  But if we are not being stretched then we aren’t learning or growing which means we are stagnant, and as the saying goes “when you are through changing, you are through”.

  1. I learned to let my spouse be right.  When I knew I was right, I wasn’t happy until my husband acquiesced and I also usually had to have the last word. Pride has no place in a marriage and so we can be right while making our spouse unhappy or learn to be flexible and live in harmony with our best friend.  So once I came to this conclusion, 2015 was full of swallowing my pride, but being happy is much more satisfying to me now than being right.
  2. I learned to be the first to say “I’m sorry”.   My husband would usually be the first to hand out the apologies even if I was in the wrong.  It didn’t matter to him who was wrong, what mattered to him was that we recognized that this was just the “small stuff” and in the grand scheme of things none of it really mattered. So now I keep the bigger picture in the forefront, and that is on having a happy, long lasting partnership and if that means I have to be the first to apologize, I am happy to do it.
  3. I learned love believes the best.  I no longer rush to judgement by trying to fill in the blanks with negative assumptions.  Instead, I listen carefully to what my spouse is saying and focus on the positive.
  4. I learned to give my spouse room to be human. We tend to look at our spouse with a much harsher lens than which we view ourselves. It’s human nature, but if we can practice taking our spouse off the potters wheel and accept who they are not only will they be happier but we will find ourselves happier as well.
  5. I learned patience (okay truth be told I’m STILL learning patience).  Nothing teaches us patients like being in a marriage with another flawed human being.  There is also nothing that restores harmony quicker to your home than displaying patients. Patience is walking out love.  Anyone can get upset and fly off the handle but it’s a gift you bring to the table when you can extend patience to your loved one.
  6. I learned if you are best friends first, everything else falls into place. Want to become invaluable to your spouse?  Focus on being their best friend first.  Cheer them on, pay attention when they are speaking to you, find out their needs and fulfill them, these are the ingredients for a happy marriage but too many of us want to see our spouse displaying these traits before we will start to display them ourselves.
  7. I learned to have a servants spirt.  My husband was born with this trait,  I was not.  I can’t remember a day that has gone by where he hasn’t asked me the question “what can I do for you today?”  I realized this kind of attitude only makes   the other person want to serve you in return which breeds more positive feelings.  So now I find out what my spouse needs done and get busy.
  8. I learned to be transparent.  Nothing should ever be hidden from each other.  Nothing.  Not money, not passwords, not feelings.  If you don’t have trust you won’t have a good marriage.  Period. So nothing is worth jeopardizing that trust. I am blessed to have a  partner that is 100% transparent!
  9. I learned to be vulnerable. Marriage is no place for walls, or for competition, or for perfectionism.  I think what makes us more beautiful to one another is exposing our flaws and our fears to each other. It makes us more human.
  10. I learned rudeness has no place in a marriage.  Sarcasm, snide remarks, and any tone resembling disrespect.  When you steer clear of these love destroyers the tone of your house  becomes one of respect and honor.
  11. I learned to fight fair – a month or so into our marriage during an argument I told my husband to stop “acting like a jerk”.  He in turn calmly asked me if that was the sort of marriage I wanted.  One that included calling your best friend names. It kind of shocked me as I thought that was pretty tame considering what I really wanted to call him.  But in the end I realized he was right. Disagreements are inevitable but we should bend over backwards to fight fair and not hurt one another.
  12. I learned about the power of laughter.  Laugher heals, it bonds, it naturally pulls you together like a magnet and it eases the pains of reality.  I learned that having a play mate is just as important as having a soul mate.

Final thought,  as sure as being your spouses biggest fan will cultivate an atmosphere of love and respect, being rude, spewing harsh comments, and selfishness I would imagine creates the perfect conditions for falling out of love.  I have my husband to thank for most of these lessons and I know I am a better person for having him in my life. He makes me look forward to each and every day with him and I can’t wait to see what lessons year two brings!

Now enjoy this amazing berry cobbler.  More proof sugar free doesn’t have to mean deprivation!

Berry Cobbler & 12 things the first year of marriage has taught me

Erin Porter
Enjoy this amazing sugar free berry cobbler.  More proof sugar free doesn’t have to mean deprivation!
Course Desserts


  • 1 cup Blackberries
  • 1 cup Blueberries
  • 1 cup Raspberries
  • 1/4 cup Coconut flour I used Bob's Red Mill for all flour
  • 1/4 cup Tapioca flour
  • 1/2 cup Almond flour To substitute a nut flour you can use 1/2 cup Namaste Muffin Mix (no sugar added)
  • 1 tbsp Arrowroot flour
  • 2 tbsp Melted butter
  • 1 tbsp Coconut oil
  • 2 1/2 tbsp Xylitol and a little extra for the top
  • 1/2 tsp baking solda
  • pinch Salt
  • 1/3 cup Coconut milk
  • 1 tsp Lemon juice
  • Dash of cinnamon


  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
  • Mix all dry ingredients (except for the arrowroot flour- and only 1 1/2 tbsp of xylitol) in a medium bowl.
  • Add butter and coconut oil to dry ingredients using a fork.
  • Add the milk a little at a time until it forms into a dough.
  • Roll the dough into a ball shape and set aside.
  • Toss the berries with and one additional tbsp of xylitol, lemon juice and arrowroot flour.
  • Grease baking dish or cast iron skillet with butter. I place a bit of butter in the dish and set in the oven for 1 minute.
  • Take the dish out and add berry mixture.
  • Tear dough into pieces and toss around and on top of the berries.
  • Sprinkle additional xylitol on top and some cinnamon if desired.
  • Bake for approximately 10-12 minutes until topping is slightly golden brown.
  • Top with homemade whipped cream if desired.


Kaufmann 1 Diet (Kaufmann Phase I)




Erin Porter
Erin Porter
I have been fortunate to be featured on national Television including PBS American Health Journal, Know the Cause, CTN, ABC, NBC, CBS and more. I was sick for decades, endured many surgeries, took over 100 courses of antibiotics, and then I changed everything and everything changed.

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About Erin

I have been fortunate to be featured on national Television including PBS American Health Journal, Know the Cause, CTN, ABC, NBC, CBS and more. I was sick for decades, endured many surgeries, took over 100 courses of antibiotics, and then I changed everything and everything changed. My book Eat Pray Get Well is about overcoming a tumultuous childhood, decades of chronic illness, and finding God in the process. Includes exclusive interviews with renowned Cardiologist Dr. Stephen Sinatra, Supermodel Carol Alt, Doug Kaufmann, and many more. Plus 55 gluten free recipes woven throughout. 

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